The "C" Word.

About three weeks ago now, I started having headaches.  Now, I get headaches fairly often (work, stress, weather, sinus, etc.) so I didn't think much of it at first.  However, after three straight days of the same headache, I began to get a bit concerned.

The next day, I woke up in the middle of the night with what can only be described as night sweats.  From there on for the rest of the week it was the same thing, headache during the day, night sweats at night.  Rinse, repeat.

I'm not one for going to the doctor if I can help it, but I'm also not keen on waking up in a pile of sweat each night (nor having never ending headaches).  By the end of the first week of the ordeal, it was clear I needed to see a professional.

The doctor who saw me was instantly concerned and had my blood drawn immediately for lab testing.  This was the first bit of scary news as I had only ever had blood drawn once before (for a cholesterol check a couple of years ago).

Of course, with medicine you have to wait a lot and so it took a day or so before my results were ready.  The verdict?  My doctor said I must come back in later in the week and that he was worried.  I didn't exactly know how worried (naive me didn't want to ask I guess).

A few days later, I'm at the appointment and he's going through the usual exam stuff when he drops the "C" word on me.  He told me that my symptoms could all still be explained by some sort of particularly nasty virus.  But that the symptoms also could explained by cancer, perhaps something like Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

Now, no one ever wants to hear that they might have cancer.  An otherwise healthy 36-year-old with a 9-month-old baby and loving wife really doesn't want to hear the word cancer so you can imagine my immediate reaction.  At that appointment the doctor actually sent me directly over to the nearby hospital for more blood work, a chest x-ray, and a urinalysis.

The doctor knew I was nervous about things so luckily he got the results back fairly quickly.  Essentially nothing out of the ordinary on the x-ray and urinalysis but my blood was showing a number of irregularities that he couldn't explain (and my symptoms weren't improving on their own).

A few days later, nothing changed on my end so another doctor's appointment, another round of basic checks (no change to any of my vitals), and then the doctor basically told me that he was out of his element. 

Whatever I had, he couldn't diagnose. 

He did know, however, that my numbers were super worrisome to him and so he called an oncologist friend while I sat and waited.

Next thing I know, I have an appointment at the local Cancer Center.

Unfortunately, the story ends here for now. 

That Cancer Center appointment is scheduled for later today.  In some ways, simply writing it all out was cathartic I guess.  At this point in time, I keep telling myself that it's all okay, that I have some sort of nasty virus that will eventually leave my system.  I mean, what else can I do right now?  Hopefully the appointment goes (went?) well and that I'll eventually have some good news to share here.

Until then, don't feel sorry for me (I'm still convinced I'll be okay in the end) but do please go tell your loved ones how you feel about them.  Seriously, even if you think they already know.  I'm as guilty as anyone in terms of not telling people how I feel about them enough.  That all changes real quick (let me tell you) when you try to have a "normal" weekend with your baby and wife all while wondering how the upcoming appointment at the Cancer Center will go. 

No matter how this episode ends for me, it's been a sobering reminder about how frail life can be.  Sure, we all get caught up in the day-to-day but sometimes it's a good idea to have that big picture reminder.  We are all on this planet but for the briefest portion of second (in geological time terms), make it count - but make it count for everyone who you care about around you as well.  I don't even care that that final sentence was perhaps the cheesiest line I've ever written on a blog named after fake cheese.  The sentiment is real, even if my wordsmith skills are not.