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Saturday Night Fights: 2010 Topps vs...2010 Topps!

Ring announcer (in a loud, drawn out voice):  "In the red corner, weighing in a 5 cards (approximately 3.5 ounces)...  2010 Topps Update Series."

Commentator Jim:  "This pack goes by the name of Super Fly MoJo and proudly wears the belt proclaiming him to be the 'exclusive trading card' of MLB.  Super Fly MoJo brings a record of 4-23-2 to the fight and is currently on an 18 fight losing streak."

Ring announcer (in a loud, drawn out voice again): "The challenger,  also weighing at exactly 5 cards is...  2010 Topps Update Series."

Commentator Bob:  "This pack goes by the name of BubbleGump and is challenging Super Fly Mojo for the right to be the exclusive trading card of MLB.  BubbleGump brings a record of 2-17-0 to the fight and is currently on a 9 fight losing streak."

Jim:  "While 2010 Topps packs almost always lose a pack battle, if you face one 2010 Topps versus another, one of them has to emerge victorious, right?!  Stay tuned for the epic showdown after these messages."

Bob:  "I have no idea what that ad was all about Jim, how about you?"
Jim:  "I can only hope that this fight has more swagger than that ad."

Ring Announcer:  "This fight consists of five rounds.  The referee was out sick so you two will have to self officiate the fight.  And now, let's get ready toooooooooo ruuuummmmmbbbblllleeeeeeeeee."

Bob:  "Ohh, Super Fly Mojo lands a swift kick to BubbaGump's gonads with the Haren flying scissor kick."

Jim:  "BubbaGump's must have a steel pair as he brushed off the kick to the baby maker and countered with left hook that just missed Mojo's noggin'."


*Bell Rings*

Bob: "Although a cheap shot for sure, Super Fly's Haren kick to Gump's man beans wins him the round.  1-0 heading into round 2.  But first, a word from our sponsors."



Jim:  "Seriously Bob, can't we get a real sponsor?  Who writes these ads anyhow, a monkey with a typewriter?  Awful."
Bob:  "I can't argue with you there but maybe round two will produce our own epic GIF to be used for all future fight promotions."
Jim:  "If you ever use the word 'epic' again I'll show you what a real punch looks like."
Bob: "..."

*Bell rings*

Bob:  "And with that, we begin round 2."
Jim:  "BubbaGump has to know he's behind after the first round..."

Bob:  "...which probably explains the two-fisted hammer punch that he just tried to lay on Super Fly Mojo."
Jim: "Mojo was ready for it though, look at that beautiful two-handed block.  You have to hand it to Mojo, that block was probably enough to win the round seeing how the bell's about to ring."

Bob:  "Yep, I have it 2-0 in favor of Mojo."

*Bell rings*

Bob:  "Folks, we will not be cutting to commercials in between rounds this time.  Instead, I would invite you to check out our Twitter poll of the evening.  Who's do you want to win tonight's fight:  Mojo or BubbaGump?"
Jim:  "What's Twitter?"
Bob:  "Now I should punch you."

*Bell rings*

Jim: "BubbaGump has got to win this round or else simply go for the knockout.  That's easier said than done..."
Bob:  "OOOOH.  Look at that overhand Felipe that Gump lands on Mojo."

Jim:  "Mojo's not knocked out but he sure does have a stupid expression on his face right now."

Bob:  "This round will go to BubbaGump to make the score 2-1 in favor of Mojo."

*Bell rings*

Bob:  "Yes, Gump's behind but that blow to Mojo's skull really seemed to shake him.  Next thing you know Mojo will be diving into the stands hiding from future Punch-inos."
Jim:  "That was a terrible pun."
Bob:  "And yet, I have a feeling my pun was better than our next ad..."



Jim:  "I'm beginning to wish they'd bring back the swagger wagon."
Bob:  "I think Edward Scissorhands was more appealing than whatever that was..."

*Bell Rings*

Bob:  "Enough blabbering about scissors, the real cutting action is right here in the ring as round four begins."
Jim:  "BubbaGump had stunned Mojo at the end of round 3 but it looks like the commercial break gave Super Fly Mojo enough time to recover."

Bob:  "I would say so, look at that overhand smash by Mojo.  That's definitely not a fun, fun, fun way to get hit.  I would even go so far as to suggest that BubbaGump get help, perhaps from Rhonda."
Jim:  "You are awful."
Bob:  "I think BubbaGump liked my one-liner.  Look at him laughing."

Bob:  "How he's able to hear me in the midst of being pounded like a Little Duece Coupe going up against a 409 in a race though is up for debate."
Jim:  "Seriously, get off it man."

*Bell Rings*

Jim:  "This fight looks to be all but over.  BubbaGump is laughing at Bob, SuperFly has been laying beat down after beat down..."
Bob:  "...and yet one round remains.  You know what they say, that's why the fight."
Jim:  "Before we get to the final round, we have to pause once again for these messages."



Jim:  "Seriously, water for women is a thing now?"
Bob:  "Worst wet t-shirt contest ever."

*Bell Rings*

Jim:  "Here it is folks, the final round!"
Bob:  "BubbaGump is going to need a miracle here to pull this one out."
Jim:  "And it looks like he won't get it...  SuperFly Mojo just landed his second flying kick to Gump's man nuggets!"

Bob:  "That's uncool."

Jim:  "That appears to be what BubbaGump thinks...and the ringside announcer too!"
Bob:  "Wait, what did the announcer say?!"

Ringside announcer:  "SuperFly Mojo has been disqualified for repeatedly kicking BubbaGump in the shrimp and oysters.  BubbaGump wins!"

Bob:  "It's over, I can't believe it."
Jim:  "Promise me we'll never do this again."


Comments

  1. Do it again. Do it again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahaha! Man, this was awesome. Thanks for the laughs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Swa Swa Swagger wagon... That'll be in my head all day...

    ReplyDelete

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